Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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