If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
