worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
