kristin has been a bad kristin
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
