your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
