I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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