I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
