I just pynch a tree in the face
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
