You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
