Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
