I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
