recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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