A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
