WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
