Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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