id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
