Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize