i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
