two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
