I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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