Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
