i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
