I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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