Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
