Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
