I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
