I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
