3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
