Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
