So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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