If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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