i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
