My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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