It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
