we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
