She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
