...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
