Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
