Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
