Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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