I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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