You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
