she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
