My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I met the friendliest cop last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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