God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sarcasm needs its own font
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
