I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
