I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
