if you like me you must not know who I am
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
