I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
