Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's great music for shaving your balls
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
