My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
