thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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