let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
