All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
