Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
