My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
