I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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