Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
