6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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