just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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