Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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