I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
