So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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