How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
