Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
