Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
