just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
