I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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