and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How does it feel to date your dad?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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