Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
