He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Randomize
