why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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