meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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