Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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