She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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