im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
should my penis look like a turkey
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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