Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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