i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
