Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we're making bets on your personal life
i came on her dog
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
