a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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