and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
