Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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